I've just been reading some of my old posts from England and realizing how happy I was back then...what a different person I am now.
I want to be that girl in my profile picture again.

My last entry was 99 weeks ago. That is aweome. The last 99 weeks have been full of change, some good, some horrible.
Having to come back to the US was probably the worst thing I've ever had to do. I was really angry for a really long time, and to be honest I am still kind of bitter about it. My perception (and this is faulty I know) is that whatever I want too much, I don't get. I wanted to stay in England more than anything. I had a life there. Friends. A job I loved. I felt more at home in the 2 and a half years I lived there than I ever have in the US. And on the whim of the visa officals I had to say goodbye to all of it.
So I came back to Michigan and stayed with my sister. I spent 4 months trying to find a job in Grand Rapids so that I could be near my family, the one bright spot in coming back. Nope. Nothing.
I ended up in Southern Indiana, 6 hours from GR. Too far to be able to visit often. So I moved down here.
I love my job. I work with troubled teenage boys. It's a challenge and I have learned patience and understanding, empathy and care in the last year. My heart breaks for the things that my boys have gone through and continue to deal with.
It's a stressful job and being able to have 3 days off at a time is great. But I haven't done a very good job of settling in down here, partly because I don't want to resign myself to living permanently in "the south" where people are ultraconservative and racist and redneck-ish.
I haven't found a church, haven't made any friends outside of work, nothing. I haven't been to church in about a year, except for the couple of times I've been up visiting family and have gone with them. 2 years ago I never would have thought I would be in this position. I am bitter towards God, I am. I know I shouldn't be, but you can't always control your emotions.
I will say, though, that I am starting to realize that maybe I am here for a reason. Maybe I am the one that God put here in this facility to pray for and love these specific boys. But that doesn't make it any easier to actually be here.
I've just applied for a job in Grand Rapids again, and had an interview. It's a facility just like this one. Right in Grand Rapids, near my sister and friends. I was really excited about the possibility of finally getting what I wanted, but after the interview I started having second thoughts. I don't get that, because on paper it is a perfect job for me, exactly what I said I wanted. But maybe that is God again telling me that I'm in the right place now?
I don't know. I've spent so long ignoring God that I can't recognize Him working at all.
So that's pretty much a summary of the last 99 weeks. Since I've been back in the US (I still think of England as home) I have been in limbo. I cut myself off from a lot of people, friends, stopped writing emails and letters and posting blogs. I think I have been a little depressed.
But I feel like I'm beginning to turn a corner now, I went back to England in September for a visit and got some closure, sorted out a lot of things that I had left undone and said a real goodbye to a lot of people. Not that I won't ever see them again, but when I left originally I thought I was coming right back.
I hope this is some kind of explanation for the last year of my life. I apologize to those who haven't heard from me in a while.

I know it's late but I hope everyone had a very happy christmas. My first Christmas in England was fantastic. There are so many nice traditions and things, like carol singing in the village square, with roasted chestnuts and mulled wine and mince pies, and pulling Christmas crackers, and going to the midnight service at the cathedral. It was so fun! And the weather was nice- cold but no rain at least, we've been inundated the last few weeks. No snow either sadly :-( but I'll be home tomorrow for hopefully some of that!!!
I'M HOME TOMORROW!!!! Needless to say I am VERY excited. Christmas was very strange because I was def more excited about coming home- and I have forgotten my birthday altogether. I think this year my birthday will be overshadowed by another birthday- the baby.
Kate told me the baby's name starts with J. What could it be? I'm dying to know. Jack, James, Joseph, Jermain, Jerry, Jonathon? Guess I'll find out soon enough.
to quote my favorite teen girl squad: "mmm.............................'kay"
got to go on a drive
Next time I check this i'll be in Michigan!
Excellent.
love me

I'm coming home for Christmas!!! yay yay yay ! Actually I'm not going to be home until the 27th of Dec because of ticket prices but I am so much looking forward to being with family over new years.
What am I going to be doing whilst at home, you ask?
BECOMING AN AUNTIE!!! for the 3rd time. My sister's having a baby that is due 24 Dec but is going to hold on for a week so that I can be there (keep your legs crossed Kate, ha ha)
BECOMING A SISTER-IN-LAW!!! for the 3rd time. My brother's getting married, hurray, finally.
seeing friends from the Soo!!! Last time I was home I didn't get to see anyone because I was in New Jersey most of the time. This time I have ages to see everyone. Amanda that means you!
I am so excited to be coming home.

wow. When I come on LJ and see there are no recent posts from any of my friends, I realize I need a life. Tina and Amanda, I hope your weddings were beautiful and your marriages will be even more so. God bless you both. Kate, the pictures of your bump almost made me cry. I wish I could be there to see it! I'm going to be the proudest auntie ever. Okay.
I'm going to watch The Notebook and cry about how I'll never have love.
xx

Hi Amanda and Tina please can you give me your addresses, or maybe Tina, since Amanda's getting married like in 2 days!!! (How exciting!!!) you can give me her address if you have it, as well as yours. That'd be super super. Thanks
I'm good by the way, watching far to many romantic movies and covering my house with glitter (long story, it's really late tonight but I will definitely be posting some house pictures soon)
xx ya both
Emma

Hey I've moved! Woop woop!
My new cottage is fantastic, no more crappy one room flat. I have a living room, and a kitchen, and a bedroom, that are all separate. I feel so spoiled.
So my new address is:
Chapel Cottage
Upper North Street
Cheddar
Somerset
BS27 3HX
UK
send me some post or something!

Wow. So lots of things have happened since I last posted here. 1.I took my youth to camp 2.I went to Greenbelt music festival 3.I went to Edinburgh on holiday 4.The Cafe got remodeled and reopened 5.Work started again 6.Two new youth workers got hired into Cheddar

1. Soul Survivor was so fun. We had 16 kids and it was really good to be able to bond with them and hang out laid back and chilled. God did some amazing things, being God, that's what he does when you expect Him to move, so that was cool. I think we had some real breakthroughs with some of the kids. They are all Christians but it's hard for them to stand up for their faith at school and stuff so too many times they just keep quiet, but it was cool to see how fired up they are now.

2. Greenbelt was awesome. It was the beginning of my holiday so very nice to get away from Cheddar and responsibility. Although I had to stop myself from taking charge and telling all the lazy boys who came with us to clean up after themselves... Greenbelt is like a Christian hippy festival, loads of great music and drum circles and weird people, no shower for 4 days yuck! But I had a great time.

3. There is so much I could say about Edinburgh. It seems like everytime I go somewhere new it's like my new favorite place, but Edinburgh really is I think. It's such an old city, full of history (most of it bloody). Scotland has had such a hard time in the past, it's history is full of wars and battles and struggles for independence. I wandered the streets and met William Wallace and heard bagpipes on every corner. No really there really was bagpipers everywhere busking. It was a beautiful city.

4. The Cafe (youth cafe where I work 2 days) has been remodelled completely. I was a bit skeptical at first but have been won over. It's so cool now, a bit like Starbucks but more personal. Today was the first day open, I went in in the morning and it was full of young people, like it should be. Start as we mean to go on I hope.

5. Work!! Tomorrow I go back into school. I must admit I missed my cheeky blighters and being called Ms. American. I hope that I get some lessons with my special students again. Youth group and bible study start this week and we're on a roll! It's weird to have to work again after so long.

6. Two new youth workers, yeah. Yes! It's somewhat isolating being the only youthworker in the entire village (Little Britian reference springs to mind (I'm the only gay in the village! funny show) anyway sorry my American cousins...what was I saying? Oh yeah so my church has hired a girl to work in the cafe and help with youth work, and the Baptist church has got a swym worker. An American no less. A guy hurray. He's a youngun (18) but it will be nice to have someone to work with in the school. At last a team is developing.
Out of that comes another exciting possibility. I might be moving, in with the new girl, into a cottage. Yes that's right a real house. Considering that my flat is about the size of a postage stamp and has no interior walls it's a step up. If it has a garden I will be in Eden.
So that's my lengthy update. To the diehards still reading, I salute you.
I will try to update this blog more often, although I say that a lot and never do. Check out my myspace it's more interesting that live journal! www.myspace.com/emmasams

I was so happy about staying here another year, and I still am, but now I find my sister is moving back to Grand Rapids with Josh and then nearly all my family will be close to each other and Grand Rapids is where so many other friends live and all I can think of now is wow how great would it be if I could move to GR and get a cool job and an apartment and be able to see Kate and the baby and Josh and so many friends from Lssu like Jill and friends from home as well who live down there and now i am discontent again. God please deliver me from my own waffling nature.
Sometimes I hate myself.

WooHOOO!! I got my visa back today! I never thought it would be processed so quickly. I am legal to stay in England! Yay. Thanks, God.

I spent all day yesterday playing tourist. it was so fun! it's funny how when you live somewhere super cool it just becomes commonplace and nothing special. I live about 15 minutes away from this city called Wells, the smallest city in England. Really it's only a city because it has a cathedral. It's about the size of the Soo. Anyway. It is an amazing beautiful place and full of amazing archetecture. The cathedral is awe inspiring and the bishop's palace is like a real live castle with a moat and everything! We walked all around it and took lots of pictures, and I got teased a lot for saying "totally awesome" and "wow that's so old!!" by my English friends. Anyway, if you want to see some pictures they are on photobucket. Website: http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h42/emmasams and also in the subgroup Wells Afternoon. The other girl in all the photos is my friend Fee.
there's lots so have fun sifting
Love Em

1. Working in the Cafe! Ugh. 8 hours in a hot sweaty kitchen.
2. Cleaning my flat. Alas it has to be done, the water heater is broken which means that A MAN is coming on Monday to look at it. Not wanting to be shamed of the tip that is my flat it seriously needs a tidy.
3. Watching the last episode of this series of Dr. Who. Now you American readers won't understand but Dr. Who is a great sci-fi tv show and tomorrow is the last episode, and the Doctor's companion Rose who is super cool is leaving the show which means she is going to die, caught between the epic battle between the cybermen and the daleks...Poor Rose! Poor Doctor!
4. Planning Sunday school. I got a late start on this one
5. Well I can only think of 4.
I bought some fake tan stuff the other day for my poor white legs. I was really afraid it would come out all orangy but nope, it looks okay. This is good because my legs NEVER tan and I always look so weird in the summer with tan arms and face and pasty white legs.
I just ate an orange chocolate cookie. Yummy. Soon I won't be able to eat them as I am going on a gluten free diet to see if I can calm these headaches and period pains that I get so fiercely. We'll see. So bye bye to cakes and bread and pasta and everything that is wheaty/gluteny.

Only two more days until I turn in my portfolio- two years of work, it's like my baby...and then I finally won't be a student anymore! Yippee! Instead I will be a fully qualified youth worker, capable of making the big bucks! Ha yeah right, like youth workers make money. But I am just so glad to be finished with assignments and stuff. Hooray for me.
you guys should get a myspace, I'm like obsessed with it.
www.myspace.com/emmasams

Ok I want complete updates on both my two reader's wedding plans. What flowers, what colours, how things are coming along, everything. I hate being so far away when so many friends are getting married. Did you guys know that Laura Tollefson is getting married at the end of the month? Isn't that fun?
My sister's having a baby and I don't get to be there to see that either. NO FAIR!!
I am sulking. And I have a headache. And my church is being a pain. Don't ever work for a church you guys. They are experts on guilt trips.
Please send me updates so I can live vicariously through you.

I have decided to stay in Cheddar for another year. It's because mostly that I will be able to make fairly a lot of money, have a rent free flat, and pay off some of my student loans. I also don't want to give up on this town- I think God is going to do some awesome things with the young people here and there is so much scope for youth work- with my work in the school and the youth cafe. So it's another year as a ex-pat for me. I am happy to have it settled, I was freaking myself out trying to decide and then just thought- God sometimes doesn't care what you do as long as you do it, you know? So there you go.
Oh and super news- my hep C test came back negative, as did my sisters. So relieved. Now I only have my parents to worry about, who are being frustratingly casual about the whole thing. They don't even know if they are going to bother with biopsys.

why doesn't my sister post anymore?
maybe it's a single person thing. Amanda and Tina, I hope you don't stop posting when you get married.

It's over, thank goodness. Boy am I tired. I never imagined cooking for a camp would be so tiring, but when you think 50 ravenous males I suppose it makes sense. Anyway it was good.
I'm off to London on Saturday, hurrah! Three days of hanging out with my lovely German friend, shopping, museums, clubbing and Hillsong Church on Sunday! Hillsong church for those of you who don't know is a massive amazing church that does really good worship cds and stuff and is generally cool. I can't wait to go.
My feet hurt.
I hope the weather holds until Monday. It has been sunny for so long it must rain soon. It can't go two full weeks without raining in England, that would be some kind of miracle. Please please rain stay away!

Today is going to be a great day. I am going to have a cream tea! One of the best things about England. Take a lovely scone, top with clotted cream and jam, and enjoy with a cup of tea. What could be better. Ahh.
I love Easter holidays in England. All the schools have two weeks off which means I do too! Of course I still have to do some work but all my clubs and youth groups are cancelled. This means I can relax. Next week I am doing a football (soccer) camp. I am cooking, yikes. I am taking 5 boys but since I know nothing about footie I decided that I would be best used in the kitchen. So I am responsible for feeding 30 hungry boys and about 10 staff for 3 days. Wow.
After the camp is finished, I have one day to relax before I am off to London! I can't wait. I am spending Easter weekend there with my friend Dori from Germany. She is coming over for the week and we are staying in a hostel in London. We are going to go shopping, clubbing, and sightseeing. I can't wait to see her again.
After that school starts up again and life gets back to normal.
It has been so nice here for the last couple of days. Let's hope it continues through Easter.
I have decided that I love daffodils they are one of my favorite flowers. They give off such a hope of spring. If I ever get married I will do it in the spring so that I can have daffodils as my bouquet.
Okay I am rambling and I need to go get petrol for the car and set off on my cream tea adventure! Ta ta lovely readers!

Hey how is everyone. SOrry I never post on this. It's hard when I don't have my own computer.
Things are good. Time marches on never ending.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, life just kind of happened and now it's lots of weeks since my last post.
Update: I am staying in Cheddar for a while longer. I am glad to have that decision made but am afraid to tell my mom as I know she will be disappointed. But I really felt like God told me to stick it out.
My job description is changing in September. I am going to be doing detached youth work, working alongside the church based youth work but not actually doing any of it. So no more bible studies or youth group. It is good. I can't wait to start.